Grace, Faith & Life

GRACE, FAITH and LIFE
A Personal Statement of Christian Faith and Practice

The psychological problems of man are inherent in the nature of the “heart and soul” of man as they think about the problems of their life. Not all “problems” need professional help. In fact, not many do. We all experience the disappointments, frustrations and emotions of life. Discontent, worry and “quite desperation” seems to be the “normal” experience of life. When we get behind, it is difficult to catch up. When we get down on our self, it is difficult to get back up. Sometimes we “feel like” we don’t know where to turn, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are sick and need therapy in terms of professional psychological help. We may just need encouragement and instruction in how to evaluate our feelings and control our thoughts, wisdom. And above all, we need to have hope and a proper self-image.

In Biblical concepts, man is more than just a thinking machine. The Bible says we are body, soul and spirit. Scripture deals with more than just mind, emotion and will in terms of the “heart”. The heart defines the nature of the individual. It is more than just personality. It is what motivates us, it is our identity and self-image. In Biblical terms, the “flesh” or “soul” is used to define the nature or predicament common to all men. “Spiritual life in Christ” defines the nature of the person who has been born again.

Many Christians are defeated in their Christian life and experiencing the same psychological problems as no Christians. All of us can benefit from understanding how the Bible relates to secular psychological processes. Many Christians should be competent to counsel others, in terms of discipling, and teaching them how to think and control the emotions of the “flesh” and how to improve our self-image and outlook by presenting the Biblical model of the contention between the spirit and the flesh and explaining what that means in terms of the attitudes and desires of the heart.

Heart is where decisions for our self-identity and our relationships are made.

Self-identity is:

• Who you think you are.
• Who you want to be.

To yourself

To others

To God

Self-identity produces what I will call the attitude of our heart. The attitude of our heart is what we have already established as self-identity or beliefs. Our thoughts and actions are based on this attitude until some new information comes along and changes it.

The attitude of our heart has a lot to do with what we believe will give meaning and purpose to our life. What or who we depend on for meaning and purpose will tend to control and motivate us. Therefore it needs to be reliable.

How do we know the attitude of our heart? We express it when we say “I am ….”.

The heart of man is defined as; the innermost part of his being. It is the part of us which drives our body and soul, it is the seat of our desires, beliefs and motives for making choices. The heart is where the mind, emotion or spirit convinces the will to act. (Go for it.)

The heart is our attitude which is a preprogrammed (trained) basis for making decisions and for acting and not acting the way we do. The heart has been programmed by our thinking based on a mixture of positive and negative emotions, imagination, reason, and on spiritual and relational experiences, and on self-image. Nothing happens until we think about it. When we “think” we are defining our desires and beliefs (attitude) and actions (will) concerning everything which has come into our mind. This thinking defines who we are and establishes how we are going to think about things in the future. This is the attitude of our heart. This attitude is revealed in our temperament and our behavior.

What we depend on for meaning and purpose in life will control the attitude of our heart. In the self-controlled life, we act based on how we feel, actions follow our emotions. In the spirit-controlled life, emotions follow actions, we act on what God  has put into our heart and spiritual emotions follow that.

This attitude of our heart defines and is a product of our self-image which is based on the presuppositions (beliefs) developed relative to our self-identity. This is who we think we are (beliefs). We also call this “where we’re coming from”. Our beliefs will be tested. When they are, they either become stronger or they change. Romans 5:1-5

Self-image is also defined by who we want to be. Who we want to be is based on our desires, perceived abilities and confidence in our self to achieve the goal. This requires motivation. If we have set the proper goals based on a proper self-image, it should be gratifying to work it out. If not, it will be drudgery and we will probably burnout.

The basis of a proper self-image is value, integrity, consistency, progress and confidence in knowing who you are and who you want to be. Value is when a person believes in themselves. They believe their beliefs, ideas and potential have value.

Desires come from what we think will give meaning and purpose to our life. Ecclesiastes is about a preacher who found no satisfaction in the pursuit of material and metaphysical things. There are as many specific things which define meaning and purpose as there are people, some general concepts are as follows:

• Progress toward a goal or improvement over the past
• Relationship with another person
• Performing a function well
• Fame, reputation and recognition
• Acquisition of things
• Knowledge
• Controlling others
• Winning

Desires and beliefs can be motivational or nonmotivational. In other words, we may express a belief or desire without having to act on it. We may want a new house or a different job, but until we are motivated to act it is simply a desire, which may be born out of wishful thinking or daydreaming.

The mind is a big mess. It certainly needs to be renewed. The will is stubborn, strong, fickle and weak. Say what? That is to say the will is impotent. Paul describes this weakness in the seventh chapter of Romans. The will doesn’t do anything by itself. It must be motivated by the heart (mind). We may have good intentions which we never fulfill. (The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak). Sometimes we may claim that we believe something and then, when the chips are down, deny it, as Peter did. When we deny our beliefs, which is like denying who we are, we mess up our minds. We do things inconsistent with who we believe ourselves to be and then we experience feelings of guilt..

Without some kind of anchor and basis for evaluating our desires and beliefs, they may be totally unrealistic.

The mind is immeasurably more complex than any model, but an accurate representation of a process of the mind may be developed for a particular process. We can conceptualize a lot more than we can comprehend. When we comprehend something we may agree and believe or disagree and not believe. We put thoughts together to form concepts and to comprehend ideas and information. We put words together to communicate concepts. Believing has to do with the reliability of the object of our belief. We need to accept what is true and reject what is false. We need to be able to say no to our thoughts.

The attitude of the heart is either self-controlled (mind)(I will do it my way)or spirit controlled.

We don’t have to act on our attitude, but if we don’t we won’t realize our potential. We will never be who we want to be. We become impotent and discouraged. But this can change as we learn to think right and use scripture to teach us truth.

Motivations of the Heart, Will Power:

Motivation implies action. It can be doing or refraining from doing. It sometimes takes more will power to not do something which we want to do than it does to do something we don’t want to do. Most of the time we do not exercise will power because we usually do the things which we want to do.

Will power is:

• motivated desire
• motivated by responsibility for our beliefs
• motivated by social consequences
• motivated by the life of Christ (Holy spirit) in us

(Things which cause lack of motivation and impotence are covered later.)

We are motivated by the desires of our heart and sometimes the desires of significant others. Basically, we do what we want to do.We may also be motivated by our beliefs, but they must be really strong beliefs, otherwise I think beliefs only support or temper our desires.

We all want to be something to somebody. We all want to have value. We all want things and we want recognition. We all want to “be happy”. As our Constitution says, “we have an inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness”. Some of us are constantly driven toward these pursuits. There are many obstacles to this pursuit both external and in our minds. Many people are overcome by these obstacles. What do we need to overcome these obstacles? What does the Bible say about us?

We all want things and recognition. We value recognition. Sometimes we strive for recognition and build unrealistic expectations, then when we don’t get it we are disappointed and discouraged. The Bible says we are like this. We are driven by the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. What are some of the things which we will do to achieve our goals? Will we lie? Will we hide things? What happens when we are blocked from pursuing our goals?

Dissatisfaction will produce a desire for change. Hope will motivate us to change. Expectations of the desired outcome will motivate us to try to make it happen. Dissatisfaction motivates us to seek opportunities for change.

Being purpose driven, is having your eyes on the goal or results. If we go out with the purpose of winning the world for Christ, then we are probably going with an improper motive. If we understand our life in Christ, we will be a witness as we go without any directed purpose other than just the joy of knowing who we are and what that means. When we focus on the goal, we tend to make our own plans for getting there. We promote techniques for accomplishing this rather than maturing people to understand the fullness of God’s grace. We talk about motivational and organizational things rather than spiritual.

Decisions and Choices:

Decisions and choices are made as we think about opportunities and temptations. We seek opportunities for change when we are dissatisfied. At other times opportunities and temptations are unexpected. Some people believe God controls our opportunities by opening and closeing “doors”.

When we make choices and commitments, we are limiting our options. We are defining ourselves. Identity develops in stages and it changes. We adopt and change our beliefs and commitments. The condition of the heart is always in a constant state of flux. To be what we want to be is a matter of what we let control us. What are some things which control our heart? Do we want to be in a constant state of flux or do we want to be established and consistent? What is reliable? How much risk, responsibility and assertiveness are we willing to take for our lives? There is always responsibility with meaningful commitments. Sometimes we need a sanctuary. What are some of the sanctuaries which we use? Deferring decisions is not a good form of sanctuary. Sometimes we prefer the security of the way things are rather than the insecurity of change.

We make decisions and choices and develop beliefs to actualize ourselves based on “who we think we are” and “who we want to be”. We are constantly thinking within the frame work of this self-identity. When we think that we are failures or have failed in living up to these expectations, then frustration, anxiety and guilt take over. We experience these emotions when our thoughts are controlling us rather than us controlling our thoughts. How do we control our thoughts? Seek the truth and it will set us free. “Bring every thought captive to Christ.” We must understand how our mind works in order to keep it under control. We must be aware of and honest about our condition.

Decisions and commitments to beliefs are always based on choices, some are easy and some are very difficult. There is a big difference between understanding the mental process of making good choices and applying the principles to our reality. We need wisdom to make good choices and we need initiative to act on those choices. “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Hope is the spring board of action.

Most of the time, our choices are based on rational considerations concerning expected outcomes or consequences of our choices. It is, therefore, important to be realistic about expected outcomes. We rationalize and fool ourselves a lot in this area.

How we make decisions is also determined by evaluation of risk and benefit relative to the strength of my desires, beliefs and present state of mind. There are many sources of information on which we base our decisions. Some is reliable and some isn’t. It is up to us to sort it out. Our training, previous experience, desires, beliefs, concept of our self, biological capability, knowledge, emotions, imagination, conscience, opinions, advice and comments of others all come in to play when we make decisions. Our relationship to everyone is involved; relationship to our self, others and God.

Choices are also effected by rationalizations when we do things which are contrary to our better judgments. Lust and desire will override wisdom. The flesh is to be controlled by the Spirit. God said He would give us the desires of our heart.

The following chart can be used to show typical gaps between who we think we are and who we want to be.

Applying Principles to Reality:

How does this model work? The model is to reveal the gap between who we think we are and who we want to be. The gap is what we need to know and do to become what we want to be.

Who we think we are is based on our evaluation of ourselves, our beliefs, what we have done and our self-image. We usually make decisions based on who we believe ourselves to be. When we do things inconsistent with whom we believe ourselves to be, we experience some form of guilt feelings and we want to hide. The threat of being found out will then keep us in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

Sometimes we develop a problem with self-image by which we make ourselves impotent. Because of a poor self-image, we will tend to limit our responsibility for and interaction with our life. We are angry, anxious and fearful. This is usually brought on by patterns of wrong thinking about some type of failure or undesirable event in our life. There are various levels of anxiety which take hold of us from just being discouraged, to depressed to serious neurosis. When this happens things seem hopeless and we make ourselves impotent. We have no hope about who we want to be, because we no longer know who we are. Hope is what needs to be restored. Hope based on right thinking and a proper self-image.

Who we want to be should not be just human potential and striving, it is an established and settled identity. It is who I am when everything I try fails. It is who I am when I encounter difficult circumstances which are beyond my control.

The difficulty in applying these concepts to reality is in learning to deal with ourselves and others as subjects rather than objects. When applying techniques, we tend to think of it as programming a computer rather than a person’s life. All techniques tend to deal with subjects as objects. We try to make all generalities apply to all specifics. Every person is completely unique in the way they think and apply their thoughts. There are no two people exactly the same. In fact each individual is different at different times. Like raising children, what works for one doesn’t work for another; our state of mind changes.

One of the symptoms of a poor self-image is to relate to others as objects. When we relate to others as objects, we want to be an object ourselves. A poor self-image creates an illusion of worthlessness or failure, so we can’t let people get too close to us.

Narrowing this gap, makes us feel better about ourselves. But to narrow the gap we must first be willing and able to see things as they are. (Integrity) Second, dissatisfaction and/or hope should produce a desire for change. Third, beliefs and wisdom should guide the decisions and choices which we make.

Hope and wisdom produce a confidence which is the basis for a proper self-image.

The following conditions hinder the process:

• Dysfunctional thinking
• Lack of purpose (established beliefs, trust, who we want to be)
• Lack of hope (motivated desire)
• Lack of wisdom (spiritual will power, desirable outcomes from reliable decisions, truth builds confidence, confidence builds positive self-image)
• Lack of internal integrity (consistency in who we think we are, both public and private, honest sharing of yourself with others)

As Christians we are called on to bear one another’s burdens, to minister to one another in love, and counsel brothers and sisters who go astray. We are encouraged and expected to be evangelistic. We are to tell others about Christ. We are better at this than we are at helping others with problems, especially emotional and family problems. Since psychiatry and counseling are professions we feel inadequate to get involved in these areas, so we refer Christian brothers and sisters to secular counselors, or so-called Christian counselors who use secular techniques. The Bible is the greatest source book for helping people with their problems which there is. As Christians, we are supposed to already have the caring attitude which would motivate us to help others in any kind of need. We have the Holy Spirit who is supposed to be our comforter and guide. The actual counseling is not any different than discipeling which we are also called to do. So we have the commandment, the nature, the scripture and the Holy Spirit, what else do we need?

Prayer:

How does this work for prayer? Don’t we pray for God to intervene in some miraculous way to change this? Shouldn’t we be praying for wisdom to make the choices we need to make?

Should we pray for God to give us a mate?

Or, should we pray for God to give us a good sense of humor and make us more likeable?

Or, should we pray for the wisdom to make choices concerning how we want to be?

If we think we are in control of everything in this we will not see a need.

“As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.”

How do circumstances work in this model?

The I ams are generally stated in terms of positive; successes and talents or negative; failures and social taboos. Many times our I ams are based on the you ares of others. The anchor of our identity should be in our relationship with God. The wisdom which we receive from that will carry us through any other identity crisis.

Some basis of identity

• Relationship
• Economic function
• Hobbies
• Health
• Successes
• Temperment
• Education
• Personality
• Emotions
• Talents

Illustration:

I am not a criminal.

What is a criminal? According to the law. According to me.

Law has speed limits. Do we always agree with the law?

I want to be a friend.

What makes a friend? We need to be fun to be around. That doesn’t mean funny. We need to be giving not taking.

Decisions are fueled by desire and/or wisdom:

Desires are fueled by:

• Pleasure
• Emotions
• Rationalization
• Lust

Wisdom is fueled by:

• The Word
• Counting the cost
• Information
• Wise counsel
• Discernment
• Integrity

Indecision is fueled by:

• Doubt
• Poor self-image (lack of confidence)
• Lack of motivation (indifference)
• Lack of Hope
• Fear of consequences
• Lack of accepting responsibility
• Satisfaction the way things are

Copyright © 1996 Daniel R. Boliek www.gflstudy.org